Blonde Jokes By An Ex Blonde

For more jokes try these History Jokes

Blonde stewardess blond_jjj

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she
was in at the hotel and called her up wondering
what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.
"You can't get out of your room?" the captaind asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says "Do Not Disturb"!!


Mail Box
A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.
She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.
The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail"
.

Blonde driving
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."


Blonde at football game
A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."
"What did you not understand ?"
And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"


Blonde ordering a pizza

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"


Magic Mirror
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.
If you told a lie it would suck you in.
One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.
Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.


Two Blondes
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

Blonde going to heaven
Ok so there is a , brown, a red head and blonde,and they want to get to heaven.There were 100,000 steps to heaven.So God told them he was going to tell them a joke on each step and if they laughed they couldn't go to heaven. So on the first step the brown head laughed on the 55,000th step the red head laughed. On the 99,000th step the blonde one laughed before God told the joke then he asked why did you laugh i haven't told the joke yet? then she said: I just understood the first joke.


Blonde asking for the time
A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,

"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

blond_afshh Blond watching the news
A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump.

Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."

Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"




Blond buying a TV
A Blonde goes to buy a tv and the shop keeper "says no because you are blonde", so the blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown.Then the next day the Blonde goes to the shop again and says "can i buy this tv" the shop keeper says "no because you were blonde", so then she goes and shaves all her hair off.Then the next day she goes again and says "can i buy this tv" then again the shop keeper says "no because you were blonde" so the Blonde says "how do you know" and he said "because these are microwaves not tvs"


Blonde hiding
1 blonde and 2 brunette escaped from prison and they all see 3 sacks so they hide in them when the cops walk by they decide to kick them to check...
first they kick the brunette's bag she goes ''ruff ruff'' so they think its a dog they kick the other brunette's bad she goes ''meow'' so they think it is a cat thn they kick the blonde's bag and she goes ''potato's''


Question and Answer

dumb_blondeeee
Q: Why are the Japanese so smart?
A: They don’t have any blondes


Q: Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.


Q. How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
A. Tell her that the drinks are on the house.


Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice?
A: Because it said "Concentrate"


Q: What did the blond do when she missed the 66 Bus?
A: She took the 33 bus twice instead.


Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.




She was so blonde...

She got stabbed in a shoot-out.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She told me to meet her at the corner of 'walk' and 'don't walk'.

She tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order.
She tried to drown a fish.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
If you gave her a penny for intelligence, you'd get change back.

blond_ebhmj

They had to burn the school down to get her out of third grade.
Under 'education' on her job application, she put 'Hooked On Phonics.'

She tripped over a cordless phone.

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
At the bottom of the application where it says 'sign here', she put 'Sagittarius.'

She asked for a price docket at the Dollar Store.
If she spoke her mind, she'd probably be speechless.
She studied for a blood test... and failed.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.

She thought she needed a ticket to get on Soul Train.
She sold the car for gas money.